She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
I fell asleep at the bar. And the bouncer threw a snowball at my face.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
Fuck I am so excited for the first time I can make someone call me Doctor Nikki during sex after I finish my PhD
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
If I could I'd magically teleport drugs and alcohol to you. Like a bad decision fairy.
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
My son's girlfriend just thanked me for having good penis genes.
The cop was standing next to me when I texted "haha" to your phone...didn't realize that he had taken it already...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
