Theres also beggin' strips and a dog bone in the corner...nooo signs of there being a dog though.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
Stand up sex. Extremely, extremely difficult. I now know how pointe dancers feel.
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
Super awkward that I just now realized I added no verb to the first statement about super hero porn. We were watching it, not making it. Clarity.
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
He kept telling me my vagina was a pleasure cave... I ended up just taking it as a complimetn
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
So I thought you might like to hear how I went to sams club to print some pictures and suddenly there was 20 pictures of your dick and my snatch on the screen
so i just realized the reason you didn't answer my call last night is because the remote isn't a phone.
i just remember singing the theme song from 2 and 1/2 men to my hair
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Randomize
