Ugh I just know that when I take off his pants his underwear will have Megan's Law written all over them.
Update: no underwear. Greeeeen light.
your brother just told me that Guinness is the first book of the Bible...
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Do I really need this much space in my mouth?
Are you already high?
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
I feel like the devil is trying to impregnate me through my eyeballs.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
Randomize
