Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
His fingers had 12 years of piano lessons behind them. my ex has been put to shame by a finger
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
She told me she was the Publishers Clearing House of Dicks. Two dicks a day, everyday for life.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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