i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
Your mom has a birthmark right next to her nipple
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
I wish I was that guy from the miller light commercials so I could walk into parties and take peoples beer without getting yelled at
we were having sex and she freaked out when i said nipple
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
The carpet cleaning people refuse to steam clean human feces. I'll call back later and blame it on the dog not you
Me ending up in the fetal position in my shower is becoming far too commonplace. It's like a weekly therapy session
I made one of my coworkers cheers to me not being pregnant. I've never talked to him before tonight. Keeping it classy.
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
and then you two started interpretive dancing to Mozart
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
Questions: How did Rachel get home? Why did I find both her ID's in my shoes? And does anyone know if she's alive?
Can you dump a guy for having pierced nipples or is that shallow?
Randomize
