Instead of a promise ring i got my clit peirced, its a promise that ill always give you ass! =]
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
Drunk in a canoe getting pulled by a lawn mower thinking of you
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
I knew when her mom came in spraying me with Febreeze telling me I smelled like shame it was going to be a rough day.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
He's attempting to seduce me with thanksgiving-themed sexual metaphors... It's working.
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Randomize
