Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
i just identified you from a description of your pipe
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Did you push me into the oil wrestling or did I elect to do it?
You said you wanted to do it, but I gave you a friendly nudge.
This girl would not stay down. It was like night of the living dead. She kept on rising up to haunt anything with a penis
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
There is ecstasy everywhere. Get over here right no5w. The 5 is silent.
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
Man, I'm real high and googling what all my favorite figure skaters from childhood are doing now.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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