May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
He looks like Jesus, if Jesus had let himself go.
The Mets? Come back? That'd be like Nickelback writing a good song.
fuck off i hope your children turn out to be republicans
So we are lighting beer bottles on fire and breaking them in half to make glasses
That sounds dangerous
Don't worry......were wearing oven mits.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I want you to read this conversation tomorrow and be proud of the fact that you taught me how to decipher any drunk message. Good job.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Honestly the prospect of dick really lifts a girl's spirits
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
Randomize
