Hurry up I might actually study if I am left alone
Thinking about fake proposing to my gf just so the middle aged women next to us will buy us drinks
She wont be able to take it all. I'll use a shoe horn to get it in if I have to.
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
She stopped laughing and kind of stared at the wall for a while. Then she did 3 somersaults and said she saw jesus. This weed is fucking fantastic.
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
I just jacked off to nostalgia.
I just want you to know that watching you throw up out of a cab in the McDonald's drive thru was probably the highlight of my night.
My alcoholism is old enough to drink.
Randomize
