paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Let's be honest, your relationships fail because the man you're looking for is the equivalent of an intellectual blow-up doll.
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I just used my VA prescription bottle of xanax to get a military discount at the liquor store. I win.
Only you could get away with that.
So I spent all night thinking my bed was floating down a river and telling the cats to get on the bed because they were going to float away. Percocet is strong shit.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
I'm handling the NHL draft worse than getting dumped this week
I left at 4:30 in the morning and I told him it was because I had to take my contacts out
Randomize
