OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
But I thought everyone had breakup sex?
She had a boyfriend but was all over this drunk guy that she just met..she said she loved him and then puked all over him.
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
his name is devion and he has a voice like velvet and handcuffs
Oh, and i love you too. Im just a selfish dick who had to talk about myself first
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
PENIS EMOJIS WOULD MAKE MY LIFE SO MUCH EASIER GAH WHY DOES THE WORLD HATE ME
You told me I got kicked out of the bar for lipping off to the bouncers... what shocked me the most was that I made it to the bar
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
He's a freak. Not like "freak in the bed" freak but like "eats glue in the weekends" freak.
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