The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
That was a $3000 rug we rolled him down the hill in.
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
I'm honestly considering asking her if I can eat her out, as a friend.
Night one million where I have madri gra beads around my neck and no justifiable reason for where they came from
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
Randomize
