wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
I went to class with the sex aroma on me. The hot sun doesn't help much.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
when i went to the store to buy my pregnancy test they were giving carnations to all the moms and they gave me one and said "just in case"
Seriously... Things should be way more awkward... The entire female half of the bridal party INCLUDING THE BRIDE blew me in high school....
I filled two of the glass ornaments in my mom's bathroom last night with vodka. That way no one sees me drinking on Christmas. Alcoholic or genius? All I know it makes bathroom trips frequent and enjoyable.
Its like he woke the dragon, and the dragon is hungry for a good dick.
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
So shaving my butt whilst humming "be prepared" is now in my top five weirdest Friday night activities.
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
no we have a special triathlon I'm entering us in. drinking, fucking, and sleeping. I think we have a good shot.
Well I had to use a seat cushion at Soul Cycle today so, yeah, I'd say the sex was good
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
I guess you could say the date didn’t go so well since I was drunkenly Snapchatting with my ex by the end of it.
Randomize
