i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
Hes flirting with her via the sauce packets at taco bell....... I have no words
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
I accidently showed a girl my balls already today. Made me think of you.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
