Last night is one of those stories you hear about on 20/20 right after they make a law banning 90% if what I did.
So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
Not rlly sure. Might just drink and sleep. Gotta wake up for my last rabies shot lol
He tried to finger me at Disneyland! He tried to taint the happiest place on earth!
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
Well we found Mark's missing underwear. They're pinned up on Mike's trophy wall.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
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