she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
I met him yesterday and now he's wanting to hold hands and kiss in public. i hate this
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
Can you please tell him to stop calling me ma'am? I'm starting to remember what it's like to have self respect
would it be completely unacceptable to smoke a cig outside naked? im already doing it so what you say doesn't matter.
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Lets go hit some boners bro!
I appreciate the acceptance and inclusion, but that's not how we gay men talk.
Tomorrow we start training our livers for St.Patrick's day. May God be with us.
he stopped mid makeout and said "can I pray for you?"
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I swear to god, I'm like....the Jedi master of dick.
Randomize
