We were both sleeping and she woke up and just puked i feel so bad for everyone around us
he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just had a tranny complement my outfit. Looks like I'll have to change before we go out.
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
Got home to the hotel 3hrs ago per texts sent not in english to not a full phone number
I ate the crust off the pizza and left the rest in the box. Even I would hate me.
and Katie got too high with the tow truck driver and wants to go home
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
i'm really sorry, but i'm just not sober enough to make good decisions.
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