I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
my mouth smells like i just ate out a crab.
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
No, I'm in the bathroom trying to scrub off the 16 tally marks on my wrist so its not so obviously to the world that I puked on a couch last night.
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
Some lady old enough to be our mom took us home, made me eggs and he still got some. Where do I claim my best wingman/sister trophy?
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
Giant stained glass jesus is judging my black pleather pants
I felt like I needed to shower with a Mr. Clean Magic Eraser.
Randomize
