new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
Do 'mystery' cracked ribs heal any quicker than regular ones?
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
He just asked me if I wanted a ride on the "bologna pony." I never wanna have sex again...
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
They conduct scientific research memoirs about what sort of shit happened last night after I ate those cookies.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
and then at some point during the night I ended up holding a baby
Why was a baby at a karaoke bar, and were you wasted?
only slightly. thats not the point. it was a cute baby.
Well someone is clearly not winning the parent of the year award here
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
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