Fine. I'll sleep in my office
Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
Apparently I farted on her in my sleep. Then, just to be sure she was cool, I did it again on purpose and she didnt say anything. So, WIN?
watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Turns out the guy I peed on gave me a ride back to my dorm this morning.
You are a god.
It's called hot rabbit the party if he asks the password is "careful" don't ask
Why do I feel like I need to drink to feel better about the things I do when I'm drunk
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
Randomize
