i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
Do you think they make a "sorry in my drunken debauchery I dropped a pumpkin off the balcony and you happened to be standing right there/get well soon" card?
Its... i dont even know. theres lots of rap music and i cant find my shoes
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
I was blacked out when we met, so basically this will be a blind date.
Just reintroduced tequila back into my life...so that's happening
YAS SHES BACK AND BETTER THAN EVER
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Her name was Danica but I felt like it would be hard to say drunk so I called her Shelby
Randomize
