yesterday i saw a blind man guiding himself into a NYC tour bus... and i thought i waste money
Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i don't want you to think of me as your TA
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
We will. we just need a little inspiration.... in smoke form.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
He showed his fake to the cop and was like "does the coloring look off to you?"
Randomize
