I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
new low, shannon just screamed FUCK THE IRISH to a 10 year old's face then proceeded to throw a hotdog at his parents. I think its time i take her home.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
