Where??
Against the wall. In corner. Only gave him head though don't worry
john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Her mom offered to give me a lap dance. I was a guest, I couldn't say no.
Ughhh I can't remember the last time "time fell back or springed forward" and I wasn't at the bar to argue about it :(
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
What's the policy on calling guys who have kids daddy...
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
I am just High Enough to train A-Team of bodybuilding squirrels MMA techniques to tear you asunder. And it's not that I want to is just don't you make me do it!
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
