Overheard: "his girlfriend fucks him with the lights off. It's not serious."
lmfao. well really. it's not love if you cringe at the site of his anus.
There's some strange man with hair that keeps talking to us. I'm scared.
This is how horror movies start. Going to bar with strange hair guy. He's paying. Bad idea?
Ditched hair man. Got free cab ride to market. Want food. I win.
You told me to hold on because you had to barf like a dinosaur.
my brother is about to go smoke a joint outside... he's preparing his munchies on the counter beforehand. I admire his responsibility.
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
I just found a plastic cup with panties inside of it. Let's play CSI.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
If my eyeballs could make a sound to describe how they feel they would just say uhhhhhhhhggggggghhhhhh.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
I watched my wife kick balloons while wearing thigh highs. It's not a sentence you get to use too often
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