i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Wrote my name backwards on the test and asked for extra credit points. Late start booze days are my new favorite thing.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Bacardi 151 is like a past nightmare I'm still curious about
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize
