He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
He probably thinks you're playing hard to get.
Hard to get?? I'm playing leave me the fuck alone.
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
Question for you. Do you want to go out somewhere or do you want to have sloppy joes at my house? That's not a euphemism for anything; I actually have stuff to make sloppy joes
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
