the sex was like sticking it in a jar of mayonnaise
almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I feel like I got hit by a truck. Or a baby dinosaur. One of them ran over my body and then stuck me in a blender of fire and storm clouds
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
I just ordered a "football meatlong" from subway
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
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