Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
i was out of cigarettes so i took the butts out of the ashtray, emptied them out, and proceeded to roll one big Frankenstein cigarette.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
He's my BOYFRIEND but he won't sext me. I'll be like, "tell me how you want to fuck me", and he's like, "I love how we can talk about our feelings". FUCK
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
Spider-Man is making out with Wonder Woman while Captain Kirk feels up Princess Lea. Nice to see nerd barriers broken down at Comic Con.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
I'm gonna go parent style on your ass... I don't ask much from you but if you could please just come get shitfaced with me I would really appreciate it
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
Randomize
