I wanna bring you to show and tell
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
your idea of a balenced meal is a microwave frozen burrito, a cup of ramen noodles, and a can of budlight. honestly tell me how your resolution is to lose weight,
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
Apparently I tried to convince him to sleep with me by showing him that I could do dips....
Just did it in a room with glowing stars to Peter Gabriel's down to earth on shrooms. This is like god
An we can hold bottles of vodka in our hands singing yo ho a pirates life for me
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
What are you talking about? Keg stands at wedding are super classy.
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