is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
What's the politically correct way of saying you've made someone your bitch?
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
They're magnificent. It's like god made her last but hadn't fulfilled his boob quota.
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
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