Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Why do I like him? He literally has no redeeming qualities.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
