Do you think Tom Brady went home tonight and changed his facebook status to "pink with lace"?
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
Thats why you always identify the subtext of a blowjob before you accept it.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
Walking my dog and eating a taco in last night's dress.. Classy
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
I just spent 100$ at a sex shop to make myself feel better. And I signed you up to win 200$ so if you win, it's mine. And yes I'm serious.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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