so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
i was so fucked up i thought i was at home depot
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
I think he was trying to tie my clitoris in a knot with his tongue. So awful.
In brighter news I got condoms and a mattress protector today.
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
Why do you think she gets more guys?
well her prof pic is her in her bedroom looking hot and mine is me looking terrified while holding a giant spider at 6 flags, so there's that
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
