she looks like someone took a bunch of spare parts and glued them all on one face. it's quite horrifying.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
you ever wonder how lesbians feel about girls being in relationships with other girls on facebook? could it annoy them more than it annoys me?
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just threw up on the floor. And we're gonna fuck on the beer pong table, so keep everyone upstairs.
And that's the fourth pair of yoga pants with unwashable stains from you.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
