this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
I'm really hoping to find some quality strange ass tonight while at my court appearance.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
