She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
God gave him joint rollers for hands
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
I just sat in the bathtub with the shower running so I could eat the whole box of mega stuffed Oreos. What am I doing with my life
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
