I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Nope, I'm sticking to passive aggressive punishments. Like mismatching his socks and cumming on his leather couch. OCD is so wonderful.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
I know... It's stupid... It's like, I have sex with his brother and bestfriend ONE time....
Dad is wasting no time getting back out there. Just walked in on him and a Twin Peaks waitress in the hot tub
Randomize
