One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
she just uttered the sweetest sentence in the english language...my stripper friends are coming over
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I may or may not be sitting in a bubble bath drinking wine, watching Jurassic park, and wearing a Russian fur hat.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
What do you want. Tryin to service my husband like the good wife that I am. It is bj Tuesday
Our faces when the strip club was closed looked like the grinch just stole Christmas ☹️
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