Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
he actually managed to pick a girl up by telling her that her skirt was ugly and she didnt do a good job with her makeup. thats some seriously low selfesteem
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
You followed me up the stairs while i was throwing up yelling "projectile! projectile! projectile!"
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
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