i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
you're in nursing school, now tell me what to do about a burned clit.
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Some guy just bought a handle of cuervo, a curling iron, and a power drill. Paid with a jar of change. I'm torn between avoiding him and befriending him..
French people screaming and throwing stuff out the window. We told the manager and he's pissed and going up there. This is gonna be like cops. Maybe better than cops.
my mom found me passed out in the kitchen floor with the Brita pitcher.. Happy Mothers Day
Fool me once shame on you. Fool me twice and I'm the idiot missing half an eyebrow again.
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
I still have to bake cookies and shave my legs so Mike can have MILF & cookies when he gets home.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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