last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
i just fell asleep masturbating. I'm no longer surprised i'm single. I can't even pleasure myself.
I'm scared at the amount of beastiality in this conversation.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
I JUST REALIZED HOW SOFT YOUR TABLE IS! and I also just started rolling
Just saying goodbye until I figure this whole "warrant out for my arrest" thing
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Jus pulled over and stole. Corn out of a. Field. ... get on my level
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