You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
I went to go pee and found a strand of your hair wrapped around my penis.
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I can't wait for paintbang. I'm going to throw a marker at a child. There will be bail money in my backpack in m trunk. Don't use it on beer.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
maybe her throwing up on me was a foreshadowing of how she would later metaphorically throw up on my life
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I recall trading my iPhone watch for a carton of Marlboros.
Randomize
