I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
you started crying because you didn't get to wear your rainboots this week so i turned on the shower and let you jump around in it
youre the best friend ever
I am literally too baked to press the call button. How am I supposed to bone him?
I would also like to inform you that I can no longer lay on my back because my tailbone is bruised from the nightstand. Good job.
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
i think when the guy sitting in the corner singing tells you you're too drunk, you're too drunk.
I'm sorry I didn't respond. I had a shit day. However, I just masturbated to Adele's Rolling In the Deep while crying. It was oddly therapeutic.
I have to shave my legs first. I'm afraid tiny woodland creatures will fly out if he tries touches them.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
It isn't easy. I met him at the gym. He wanted to go out he doesn't drive so I drove and he wanted Dairy Queen where his sister is the manager. This is dating in my 20's
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I just found my phone after looking for it since yesterday afternoon it was in the fridge.
Randomize