Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
I'm not as easy in Europe as I am in the US
Only because you can wipe your slut slate clean & start anew. It's a little known benefit of our currency exchange.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
i want to have awesome sex and feel fuzzy.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
You got up in the middle of a sentence, puked, came out and poured another glass of wine and continued your story.
Randomize
