Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
So, it's like build-a-bear for your vag?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Great parenting moment: noticing your kid is going to puke from gorging fish sticks and sending her outside. Then watching her puke on your dog.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
I can't drink with the moms anymore. All they talk about is lactating.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
It's been two whole weeks and I haven't missed a single class. I deserve 69 blunts.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize