The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
One good thing out of all this is her ass is huge. Like Australia Big.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
Randomize
