I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
i just made my gag reflex go away.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
Worst hangover of my career vs the return of the blue balls. Will keep updated
What's the big deal? you guys fuck
3 times is my limit. I don't even want to know you exist after 3 times
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Excuse me. I’m a mature responsible adult.
You got your arm stuck in a vending machine trying to get fruit snacks.
I had a cast on my hand and if I paid for my fruit snacks, I’m getting my fruit snacks.
Randomize
