But regardless, you really stood out last night, you should give me a chance
Sorry but you seem like a potential womanizer
I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.
Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable
it must be christmas time, i've got a hankering to give a virgin a baby....
want to meet me after class and possibly get arrested for indecent exposure?
PRINCE HARRY WAS AT WAL MART SO NEXT TIME YOU BITCH ABOUT GOING TO WAL MART REMEMBER THAT EVEN PRINCE HARRY GOES TO WAL MART.
When you get here, kick me in the balls. It's really important. - I'll explain later.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
My parents heard us going at it in their tent. I told my mom it must have been a bear looking for food. I don't think she bought it. She deliberately chose this park because bears haven't been sighted here in years.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
not sure if destroying him emotionally was worth it but damn it's a fucking hilarious story
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
They cut me off when I tried to pee in the corner of the bar.
Randomize
