I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
I know i'm drunk when the "men" sign on the bathroom sounds chinese
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
I'm watching the red sox through my neighbors window from my bathroom. We're winning btw.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
Jesus Christ. Even your cock has to be an overachiever. :-(
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Randomize
