I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
just got a girls number while on a 5 am adderall cig break this is college at its finest
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
I almost had to fight a bird, and you know how scared I am of birds. It found that Percocet that I lost in the grass last week, I threw out my back when I launched myself at that little fucker.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Last night turned out to be an expensive trip to your house between the ticket and the plan b. (Well I haven't gotten that yet)
Coffee's working. Just killed a fly with my bare hands.\nFuck with me.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
It's OK, I woke up in a drag queen's bed last weekend. It took me forever to get the glitter out of my cleavage.
Randomize