how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
I wonder if they'd let me siphon the gas out my car before they impound it
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I SMOKED SO MUCH I SKIPPED A DAY.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
The first guy I ever sexted is having a baby.. Is this what adulthood feels like?
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
I'm noticing I drink less and do fewer lines when I do both together.
Now that's what I call smart money management.
Randomize
