He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
i've been hiding in the laundry chute for like thirty minutes from her. not my manliest moment. but dude this is awesome
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
Dying on my bathroom floor at 7 am, I would rather be eaten by a shark right now
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
Will you skip merrily into hell with me?
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Randomize
