I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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