Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
I want to poop on a bird, just to show them what it's like.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
You licked my eyeball, you are officially cut off. If you just missed you can have a second chance on Friday.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
After finding out he was married when we were together, I don't trust him.
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
Randomize
