they said they heard you say put it in my butt
currently hungover, lying in bed and cutting cheese with my drivers license. ashamed? not even a little bit.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
I don't understand how she could dump me AFTER we had shower sex. I'm fucking great at shower sex
Well the streets were closed, so it was okay for me to just lay down for a little bit.
I'm not even mad. I was just trying to get a boner, you're the one that had to see that
Made a pinky promise to a lesbian on crack in WeHo. No one knows what I promised
That moment when you realize the hot british guy named rory you drunkenly made out with at a bar is American, is named Tyler, and has a girlfriend.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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