How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
So many tools at one table, you'd enjoy my italian family
We convinced him to snort an altoid. We should not be allowed to drink together
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
I even tried crushing up viagra and putting it in his beer... And the next day he found the package on the counter. I told him it was for my friends husband.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Yes sir I did. I'll be there with a guest. And no, my date won't be an escort.
Well if that changes tell the escort to bring cocaine.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
