If you don't answer the phone then I will be forced to leave you a wonderful voicemail of me throwing up
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
Staying in I think. Boyfriend has domesticated me. I'm making eggs naked right now. Also really high.
There's some drunk girl alone in the field, she looks like she could use some help.
Also it's only fair that you know that that girl is me.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
We can just keep having sex until one of us finds someone we actually like
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
It all started with sending him a text about Spongebob. It escalated from there.
you weren't there so I had to flirt with him on your behalf
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Randomize
