So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
I just made SCOTCHSICLES. no further info is necessary
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
The last time I've felt a woman's touch, the twin towers were compromised. You can wait like one week
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
It's really hard to masturbate now that I live with girls who actually function before 11 am.
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
