this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Hes laying on the floorn in the bathroom telling Jesus to raise the flag
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
I'll have to text you later. Trying to have civilized conversations with the boyfriends parents when I'm 100% aware I just blew their son in the bathroom 5 mins ago. Stay tuned.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
ABOUT TO MAKE THE BIGGEST MISTAKE OF MY LIFE, SEND HELP
Have fun and good luck.
90% sure I just sold adderall to my professor
100% proud
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