I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
how ive managed to spend 100$ at an open bar is beyond me.
I just found out me and my parents buy from the same drug dealer.
you should get a family discount.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
THAT stays in the CAR. And if one fucking person who was NOT in the car brings it up, I will KILL you. Thank you.
..So we should take it off Youtube?
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
So high I started crying because I was proud of Snoop Dogg for becoming Snoop Lion
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
2016 is coming through for me, I'm renaming it the year of great dick
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
Randomize
