my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
I've developed breathing exercises to keep myself from puking..
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
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