Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
She was the shot vending machine at the party. But free.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Need your help. Dad's drunk and trying to build a still in the basement.
NM he's asleep in a pile of towels. They need to ease people back into Hockey Night in Canada.
HOLD ONTO YOUR PANTIES AND SAY GOODBYE TO THE REMAINDER OF YOUR INTEGRITY
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Fuck baseball, getting drunk and playing with kittens is the REAL national pasttime
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
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