my dad just encouraged me to do a kegstand
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
Lets just not get arrested. That might put a damper on everything. I only say that cause i've almost been arrested.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Yes I am wallowing. There is a significant lack of cookie dough
pray to the hookup gods
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Idk why more people don't drink at work ... i mean, yeah, the cash might be off tonight, but my customer service is fucking phenomenal right now
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