I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
I think when Jesus turned water into wine it was a sign that we should get drunk off Sangria tonight. Do it for Jesus. He died for your sins.
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
Our sex is like an episode of "The Simpsons." Picture Homer choking Bart, and that's pretty much what we're into.
I'm too picky for internet dating and by picky I mean psycho.
Randomize
