Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
Mustard is by no means a replacement for yellow wall paint
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Sext: Bring me pancakes from the midnight breakfast gathering please
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
Randomize
