i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I was really disturbed by what initially appeared to be a dismembered head sitting beside you. Then I realized you were laying on her body.
I'm not sure...it could be the pasta I ate from her sink, the dominoes, or just the alcohol. Or a wicked combination of all 3.
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
No more twerking this week. I think I dislocated a boob.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
So you broke your ribs while fucking? Dude you just got about 25% hotter.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
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