what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
I just realize today that I've dated three guys this year with their own blog. Ugh that's embarrassing.
at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning
She's "threw gas on the fire to put it out" drunk. Come retrieve ur gf. Ps she smells like burnt hair
I don't think people appreciate how hard it is to fuck in a portapotty. Sarah and I had train for that shit.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I think I just cured my dogs munchies
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Would you still love me if my nipple fell off?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
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