i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
He is like the "hometown sweetheart", but a huge freak. Like "I'll come change your flat tire"....but then fuck you like an animal in the back seat.
We peed together in a dark alley while holding hands. That is a bond that can never be broken.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
If you can't drink with the big boys, give up your beer and go back to the playpen
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
Side Note: Everyone in my office is getting engaged and having baby showers. And I'm all like, fuck your joy, I just want more string cheese in my life.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
I think I just shit out all my problems.
Randomize
