Why is my head in the toilet this morning but there is vomit behind the toilet
yay, now i'm not the only homewrecker.
yeah but i stopped sleeping with him after i found out he was married.
sarcasm needs its own font
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
You remember the guy they called Meat in high school? Well, let's just say my vagina remembers him now.
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
When a guy asks for your ig but you already know his blood type, social security number, & mother's maiden name.
Randomize
