You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
Your ability to be a slut in your nightmare astounds me
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
Some advice...don't play drunk rock em sock em robots. With actual people. I have bruises EVERYWHERE.
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I don't know if I want to live in a world where i can't fuck an exes brother.
We're you guys there last night when everyone started chanting "Nacho Steph"? Someone picked me up, carried me to the nacho cheese and made me do a nacho cheese stand.
Drunk girl in a bikini just tried to bite my face, it's officially spring break
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
