K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
I'm towing my little brother down the road on a sixty year old tractor, we're taking up the whole highway, and no one cares. I love South Dakota.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
chatroulette drinking game turned into a foursome.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
He tried to give me a shoulder massage while i peed in the neighbors bushes to "make it more relaxing."... I let him... That drunk
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
He usually doesnt care about me cumming but last night he really tried, I feel that him going to the Womens March benefitted my sex life
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
I drank beer out of a Frisbee and it was all downhill from there...
Randomize