I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
Randomize
